I Was At Godric's Hollow
by Eratosthenese
Summary: -COMPLETE-What really happened that night, October 31st, 1981. I was at Godric's Hollow the night he murdered the Potters. Sirius fans, come here. R&R. (punch and pie... or runch and rie... hee hee)
1. the werewolf's tooth

**I Was at Godric's Hollow  
** By Eratosthenese

They say that love is what makes us all into what we are. And, if that is true, then all those who have had the foolishness to fall in love would be dead, for love ruins us all without a thought for the consequences.

But there are still those irrational young spirits who believe that love is the only thing that life has in store for them, and they are still alive. Alive, of course, in the sense that they are still medically functioning and physically existing, but not alive in the perception that their souls are still thriving with the happiness you are blessed with when you are first intoxicated with the poison of love that courses through our veins, tainting our minds with hallucinations of bliss and delight.

Young spirits such as that of Sirius Black.

Having just graduated from seven years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and moving on to pass his Auror exams for the Ministry of Magic, he was still in the senseless state of mind, where the only thing that he could think of was falling in love and finding a life for himself. His best friend, James Potter, another Hogwarts graduate, had married the perfect girl for him, Lily Evans, and his other best friend, Remus Lupin, was as much interested in girls as he was with Muggle fashion shows.

Sirius, however, was a bachelor, and hating it. At night, he would sit alone in the Leaky Cauldron, or other nearby town pubs, drinking butterbeer and eyeing beautiful girls, none of whom gave him a second look.

It wasn't that he wasn't handsome.

He was.

His black hair fell over his eyes in a cool, bored fashion, and his eyes were like deep pools that read all women like they were an open book, but a lone man drinking in a bar was never very attractive to many woman. Occasionally he would approach a woman with a corny pick-up line such as, "Hey, I've lost my shirt, can I use yours?" and "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'u' and 'i' together," and "If I said that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?" Stupid things like that. One of James' favourite was "You blew my mind from across the room. I'm going to need your name and owl for insurance reasons."

But one night, on guys night out, Sirius hit gold at the Werewolf's Tooth. James had talked Sirius into approaching women with those types of pick-up lines, and Sirius being the daring boy that he was, had idiotically accepted.

After being rejected by about six females already, he neared the bar where a young lonely woman sat.

"Hi, I'm Sirius," said Sirius, as he walked casually over to the beautiful blonde girl, sitting alone and drinking a butterbeer straight from the bottle.

"And I'm kidding, nice to meet you, Sirius." James and Remus stifled laughs at the table. Sirius hesitated before going on.

"Are your legs tired, 'cause you've been runnin' through my head all day," he said, leaning against the bar. James and Remus both laughed harder at the other side of the bar.

Without giving Sirius a second look, the woman took a sip of her drink and said, "Are you the kind of guy who's so desperate for a fun night that he'll use any pick-up line he finds in those books on how to pick up chicks, or are you the kind of cute, stuttering idiot who doesn't know how to approach a girl and uses any pick-up line he finds in those books on how to pick-up chicks?" She took another sip of her drink.

Sirius was so taken aback by her response, that it took him a second to recalibrate with an answer.

"I'm the kind of guy who spotted the most beautiful girl in the room and approached her with a pick-up line he heard his best friend use to see if he could be lucky enough to get her owl address and maybe a date." The girl looked over at the handsome, dark haired man with an eyebrow raised in polite amusement. "But I think the real question we should be asking here is are _you_ the kind of girl who rejects any guy who approaches you with a corny pick-up line because she's scared of getting hurt after a one-night stand, or are you the kind of girl who's too freaked out to get into a committed relationship at this time in her life?"

The girl smiled. "Here's my owl," she said. She kept gazing into his rapturing eyes, and left, leaving five sickles and three knuts on the table for her butterbeer.

"Wait! I don't even know your name," Sirius called after her.

"You won't need it, Sirius!" she shouted over her shoulder.

He stared at the piece of paper she had handed him. It was old and crumpled, as if she's been holding it for a long time, just waiting for the right person to give it to.

On it was scribbled, "68, Empyrean Street, London."

Sirius stared at it for a moment, before returning to the table where James and Remus sat. "I can't believe it," said James with a laugh, slapping Sirius on the back as he pulled up a chair. "I just can't believe it."

"Yeah, it's a bit unbelievable, isn't it?" said Sirius.

Remus smiled happily.

"Lily never would have fallen for that one."

"So things are working out for you two, then?" said Remus, sipping his butterbeer.

"Incredible. She's like this whole – she just—"

"Takes your breath away?" sighed Sirius, still looking at the parchment gripped firmly in his hand.

"Yeah."

Sirius laughed his bark-like laugh. "You look funny when you get that look, mate."

"Sorry, I just- Well, you know how I get when I think of her too much. It's high time we find a girl for you, though, chum," he said again, slamming his palm on Remus' back. He choked into his beer.

"Cut that out, will you?" he said, sputtering and coughing.

James and Sirius laughed. "I miss Hogwarts, sometimes, you know?" said James finally. He kept running his hand through his hair, as if messing it up.

"It's been a _month_," said Sirius.

"But still."

"Well yeah, I kind of do too, sometimes…"

"Who doesn't?" said Remus, leaning back in his chair. "Things seemed easier at school."

"For you, yeah."

"No, I mean, with everything. All of it seemed to have an answer. If it wasn't true, it was false, you know?"

By that time, Hogwarts seemed like a near memory. Occasionally, one would bring up past adventures and troubles caused by them back in the day. After all, they were growing up. Reminiscing on times like those were useless.

A wise man once said, "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."


	2. empryean street

Sirius sat at home in the apartment he shared with Remus, James living with Lily only a few doors away down the corridor. They were both out, however, so Sirius was free to write an owl to the girl he had met in the bar two nights ago.

Having been afraid to seem too desperate if he wrote to her right away, he decided to wait, before he couldn't anymore.

He had to see her.

The only thing he could think about was the look of pleasure and interest she gave him as she walked away, her green eyes gleaming beneath her rectangular glasses. Sirius had never been fond of eyeglasses, but they suited her remarkably well. They made her delicate face seem sophisticated, like a Muggle lawyer, and they softened her strongly outlined eyes and her piercing gaze.

"_Green Eyes,_" he began, choosing his words carefully, sparing the last of the ink. "_There's a restaurant I think you'd enjoy. I'd love to take you. Please reply with my owl. –Sirius Black from the Werewolf's Tooth._"

He refrained from re-reading it, afraid it would be too horrible to send out, so he folded the paper and tied it to James' owl's leg. Sirius carried it to the window and dropped it, willing it to flap its wings, and it did, but carrying itself back into the apartment, perching on the windowsill, blinking questioningly at Sirius. He sighed, and threw a dead rat out the window, and the owl flew after it with the letter tied firmly to it's leg.

His heart was pounding and he couldn't feel the tips of his fingers. A chill was rising in his chest, as if he was being devoured by ice from the inside out.

It was the greatest feeling he had ever felt.

At that moment, James and Remus came in through the door, carrying baskets of clean laundry.

"I'm telling you, I'm right, James. No matter what you say, you don't try … _and then do something_! You try _to_ do something."

"Well, I'll try _and_ remember that saying that is incorrect."

"I hate you," mumbled Remus, through gritted teeth.

"Not this one again," groaned Sirius from the window. "How long have you two been on the subject of 'try and' versus 'try to'?"

"Well, 'try to' is _correct_!" shouted Remus, irritably.

"Where's Pete?" said James, looking around.

"Dunno," said Sirius.

"It's true, he has been gone an awful lot lately. Keeps mumbling something about doing something for work."

There was a pause between the three friends before Sirius took a sharp intake of breath, held it for a moment and said, "What is it that Peter does … again?"

James and Remus looked at each other.

"Sheesh," said James. "It's a wonder he even hangs out with us still."

"What?" asked Remus, starting to fold his laundry

"Well, come on, Remus. I mean, it's not like we were ever that great to him. In all honesty, would either of you two have stayed with us if we treated you like we … treat … him?" he said, slowing down towards the end, realizing he wasn't making much sense. "Did … either of you two understand any of that?"

Silence.

"Yes," said Remus slowly, as if unsure that that was the right answer.

Sirius nodded, his eyes crossed.

"Anyway!"

"Yeah, right. That one."

"What were you doing here, Sirius? I thought you were gonna go pick up the papers at the Ministry," said Remus, throwing him some of his clothes.

"I was – uh—"

"I know what he was doing," said James, slyly.

"No you don't," said Sirius blushing and throwing a book at him.

"Yes I do! You were writing to that girl, weren't you? I told you to wait a couple days!"

"I did! I swear I did, I only just sent your owl, dumb arse."

With those words escaping Sirius' lips, James' owl came zooming in through the window and flew blindly into Sirius' arms.

"What! What are _you_ doing here so soon, you blasted bugger?" He looked at the owls leg and found the same piece of parchment tied to his leg.

His right leg. Sirius had tied it to the owl's left.

She had already written back!

After scanning the letter, Sirius felt butterflies. "Where's Empyrean Street?" he asked James and Remus.

"Four blocks away to the North, why?" said Remus.


	3. france

Sirius, completely in a flush and carrying a ruffled bouquet of carnations, stood at the girl's door.

"I'll be right out!" she shouted from inside. He heard scuffling and the door opened.

From the inside of her apartment came a radiant light as she stepped through, like an angel descending from heaven. She was wearing a dark gray sleeveless blouse with blue pinstripes and a Manhattan hat, stylishly tilted to the right so her eye was mildly hidden in shadow.

"Shall we?"

"Y-yeah…" Sirius stuttered, bringing himself sharply back to reality. "Let's .. um- go."

"Wait, I have another place in mind."

"You don't even know where I want to take you!"

"Where do you want to take me?"

"The Pixie Room."

"OK," she said, pausing, considering it, and then, all of a sudden, she added, "I have another place in mind."

He smiled.

"Do you like crepes?"

"What?"

"Crepes. They're like these … French pancakes, only thinner and you can eat them as a meal. Hang on, I know where we're going."

France was an interesting place. The air was not as intoxicated with cigarette smoke as London was, and the stars shone brighter than Sirius had ever seen them in England.

The small café the girl had chosen was situated about ten miles away from the Eiffel Tower, and on a hill, so most of the country was visible. They ate their food, talking, and gazing up at the stars, laughing, the only thoughts zooming through Sirius' mind focusing on her.

"So, we met a couple days ago, and we're on a date, but I don't even know your name."

"That's true."

Sirius waited as he chewed his crepe, expecting her to tell him her name. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"What is it? What's your name."

She laughed. "I'll tell you my name if you tell _me_ something no one knows about _you_."

Sirius thought. "OK," he said slowly. Then something popped into his mind. Something only five people in the world knew about besides himself, but he didn't feel an hesitation in telling her what it was. "I'm an … unregistered animagus."

She smiled widely. "That's fair. My name is Freya."

"Freya?" he said.

She covered her face in her hands. "I know, it's horrible. That's why I don't tell it to anyone."

"No! No, no," said Sirius softly, pulling her hands from her eyes and holding them in his own. He took off her glasses and looked into her eyes. "It's the most wonderful name I've ever heard."

She smiled sheepishly.

From the corner of his eyes, Sirius saw a shooting star pass by overhead. His gaze shifted to the sky, but he could still feel her eyes upon him, drilling into him. "Shooting star."

"Make a wish," she whispered.

Sirius looked back at her. "I wouldn't know what to wish for," he said. And slowly, like it was happening in a dream, he leaned towards her over the table and their lips met, entwining them in a silent embrace. He put his hands on either side of her face, her hair falling between his fingers. Her hat was knocked off her head and fell silently to the ground, as if the noise had been turned off. Their lips still connected, they stood up together, knocking the table over.

Her glasses broke and the wine glasses clattered and the red wine was leaking across the cement floor, like blood, but they didn't care. Nothing mattered.

All that existed to Sirius was Freya.

Freya and her lips.

Remembering the shooting star, he knew what he would use it for.

I wish this moment would never end, he thought. But how often do those wishes ever come true?

Slowly, very slowly, Freya pulled away, touching her lips and staring at Sirius as if he'd bitten her. "Oh god," she whispered. "Oh my god."


	4. back to england

THERE IS A REFERENCE TO "FRIENDS" IN THIS CHAPTER; THE ONE LINE IS COURTESY OF WHOSOEVER WRITES "FRIENDS", JUST BECAUSE IT'S AN AWSOME SHOW.

* * *

Sirius spun around. "What?" he said to Freya, seeing nothing behind him. "What is it? Tell me!"

She just stared at him, her eyes wide and her vision blurred. She kept walking backwards, stumbling against the table and crushing the broken glass from her glasses. The blood wine stained her shoes as she continued retreating.

"Sirius," she whispered.

"What?"

"Sirius Black," she said, sounding as if she had just heard his name and realized that it had been on the news in the Wanted section for the past year. "You're Sirius Black."

"Freya…" he said, taking a step towards her.

"No," she whispered, starting to walk backwards faster. "No. Oh god, no!" She turned around and started for the Eiffel Tower at a sprint.

Sirius didn't follow her. He just watched as her silhouette grew distant, feeling like someone had reached down his throat, pulled his small intestine out of his mouth and wrapped it around his neck. He held out his hand, caressing the air in which she had just stood.

What is this? he thought. _Why do I feel like this?_

Back in England, nothing seemed like it should have been. One night in Paris had accustomed him to clear skies and vast landscapes. The yellow moon was almost full tonight, and low in the sky. Sirius sighed, gazing longingly out the window. What had made Freya run like that? What had scared her so much to leave?

* * *

When Remus came home with Lily and James after a night of double shifting (they had been covering for Sirius at the Ministry), they found him asleep at the window, strings of drool leading from his mouth to the floor. His black hair was disheveled and he snored slightly as his bare chest rose and fell with each breath.

Lily covered her mouth, trying hard not to laugh at the sight, but James and Remus, who were both quite used to finding him like this, lifted him up and set him down in his bed.

"I imagine his date didn't go as well as he had hoped," said James with a sly smile, staring at Lily. She playfully slapped his arm.

"Shut up," she said, hiding a smile.

Remus drank a butterbeer silently, his eyes closed.

James lifted an eyebrow questioningly. "You OK, mate?" he said.

The man opened his eyes as if coming out of a trance. "Huh?"

"You OK?"

"Yeah," he said. There was a pause when the only sound was the ruffling of James' owl perched on the windowsill. "It's just, the night before the full moon. You know how it is."

"Yeah, I know," said James.

"Do you want to stay at our place tonight, Remus?" said Lily, touching his arm in a comforting manner that made James stiffen. He ruffled his hair.

He inhaled, considering it. "Nah, no, it's fine. It comes and goes, just like every month. Don't worry." He looked at Lily with a hunger in his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered.

James cleared his throat loudly. "Lily and I best be going, then, Remus. We'll see you tomorrow bright and early, then, eh?"

Remus waved to the two as the left the apartment, closing the door as quietly as they could behind them. When he turned back to his butterbeer, he jumped in surprise to see Sirius standing in the doorway to his room.

He looked groggily at Remus, rubbing one of his eyes. His hair looked as if it had been blow dried upside down.

"Mr Moony, I dare say," he croaked.

"What dare you say, Mr Padfoot?" said Remus tiredly.

"I think one has a crush on another's girlfriend. Could this possibly be true?"

"How was your date with the mystery woman?"

"It was … indescribable. She took me to Paris."

"You don't look very happy, though."

"It's just … well, the evening was coming to an end, and it was really romantic and everything, and we kissed, this … amazing kiss—" Sirius trailed off. Remus cleared his throat and Sirius continued. "But then she got all weird and ran away."

"Got weird?"

"Yeah, like, she kept saying 'Oh my god', and 'You're Sirius Black'."

"What…?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought! So anyway, I came back to London, hoping maybe she will too and I can talk to her again. It's just … I want to see her again, you know?"

Remus smiled. "No," he said quietly. "I don't."


	5. the prophecy

"We have big news," said James, with a huge smile plastered onto his face as he gazed into Lily's brilliant green eyes.

Remus, Sirius and Peter were all sitting down on the couch in front of them, looking worried.

Lily gazed into James' hazel eyes and said, "We're buying a house!"

There was a stunned silence as the information they had just received processed into Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin's brains.

"Together?" said Sirius.

"Yeah," said James, starting to frown at his best friend's reactions.

They all took deep, loud breaths and stood up all of a sudden, congratulating the couple.

"That's so wonderful!"

"You guys'll be so happy together!"

"I can live above your garage, right?"

And other things like that.

"Wow!" said Lily. "I'm happy you guys are taking this so well."

"It's not too far from here. It's in a Muggle village, but I really think you'll like it."

"When are you moving in?" asked Peter, rubbing his hands together in a nervous fashion.

"September first."

"Well, what's it like?" asked Sirius, smiling. "Can we come see it?"

"Yeah, of course. It's two stories high, and it's got one of those little white picket fences in front of it." Lily smiled, blushing.

"There's something else, too," said James.

Lily held up her left hand and Peter, Sirius and Remus all leaned in to examine it. Upon her left ring finger was an emerald ring, gleaming in a foreboding manner.

"Wow," said Remus, quietly. "He even bought you a ring."

Sirius stood up, looked James directly in the face, trying hard not to cry and wrapped his strong arms around James. "I'm so happy for you, mate," he said.

Remus stood up, leaving Peter sitting alone on the couch. "You guys are getting married?"

James held out his hand for Remus to shake it. He stared at it, and slowly, almost reluctantly, accepted it.

"Congratulations," he said.

James Potter had his arms wrapped around Lily as the shadowy figure before them evanesced into the bowl of the silvery substance. The old, gray man behind the desk had his hands clasped together and was staring at the frightened couple mournfully.

"There is a possibility, however, that it shall not be your child."

James looked up, but Lily continued crying into James' shirt from the information they had just received.

"I understand, Lily, that you got pregnant in late November, correct?"

James nodded for her.

"You are, then, five months pregnant?"

He nodded again.

"Do you know the sex of the child."

"Male," croaked James.

"This is unfortunate," said Albus Dumbledore, looking back down at his Pensieve. "Very unfortunate." He took a deep breath and looked back up at the couple. "Lily, look at me."

She looked up, her brilliant green eyes red and wet.

"I suggest you only tell your close friends about the child. No one else, do you understand? Should anyone else be informed, I shall do so myself."

At one in the morning, Sirius was woken up by a soft knock on the door. He sat up in his bed, rubbing his eyes.

They knocked again, harder this time.

Slowly, Sirius got up and answered the door, only to find Freya standing in the doorway, wet and alone, crying.

"Sirius Black," she whispered.

"Freya?" he said, his eyes only half open.

"I'm so sorry, Sirius." She looked helplessly inside his apartment, as if waiting to be invited in.

He saw her doing so and stood back, opening the door wider, letting her step inside. "What happened?" he said, closing the door behind her and starting to fix her some tea, as she sat down.

"I… I got scared."

"Of what?" Sirius sat down with a mug of tea in the chair next to Freya. She looked down at the cup.

"I can't tell you."

"But… what's wrong with you, Freya? What the hell were you scared of?"

"I'm not sure." She looked up into his gray eyes. "The truth."

"Have we not been dating long enough for me to know the truth?" said Sirius playfully, smiling.

"Stop it," she said. His smile vanished in a blink. "These are horrible times, Sirius. Times when anyone would give anything just to be a Muggle, simply so you'd be oblivious to what has been going on in the world." Sirius watched her as she fingered the mug of tea in front of her, her face expressionless, the only part of her moving her lips. "Someone is coming into power, he's mad. His life was ruined when the love of his life disappeared and he dedicated himself to doing the same to all others in the world. Anyone who stands up to him, they don't live to see the next hour. They don't live if he decides to kill them.

"But there is someone who can stop him, Sirius." Freya looked up at him, tears starting to build up in her green eyes. She wasn't wearing her glasses. "He hasn't been born yet, but he can stop him, and the Dark Lord knows when he will be born. All he has to do is kill him, and no one will be able to stand in his way. All he needs to know is _where_ the boy will be born. I was hired by him to find that out. That's what brought me to you."

Sirius stood up, knocking over his chair, and started retreating from the woman. "Y- you—"

"Sirius," she said, looking at the table. "He's going to kill me when he finds out that I told you. But you must understand."

"There's nothing to understand!" he shouted.

Freya stood up and cast the full body freezing charm on Sirius. "I'm sorry about this, but you need to hear me out. I'm working for the Order of the Phoenix. It's an organization that Albus Dumbledore has started. Its purpose is to stop the Dark Lord from rising to too much power. I've been assigned to be a double agent, along with a few other anonymous members of the Order. We were sent to infiltrate the Dark Lord's supporters, a group of wizards and witches that call themselves the Deatheaters. Sirius, if you help us, if you join the Order, you could save your best friends."


	6. the headquarters

I KNOW IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE UPDATED, AND THAT THIS CHAPTER IS PATHETICALLY SHORT, BUT I HOPE YOU'LL ... NOT HATE ME? HOPEFULLY, THIS CHAPTER DOESN'T OOZE "WRITER'S BLOCK" ALL OVER YOU... HEH HEH. PLEASE R&R AS USUAL... IT MAKES ME FEEL SPECIAL. :)

"James? Remus? Lily... Why! What's happening to them!"

The charm on Sirius had worn off by the time Freya had finished talking. She was staring at him mournfully. "Don't worry, Sirius," she whispered. "Remus isn't in any danger."

It was as if he'd been hit in the face with a wet sock filled with sand. "What's he going to do to them." It wasn't a question.

"I can't tell you that until you agree to come with me to the Order, Sirius, please."

He didn't hesitate. He nodded solemnly and she took his hand, and with a small _pop_ they appeared in a small, worn down house that looked as if it was about to fall apart.

"Welcome to the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, Sirius Black." Freya gave a small smile as a crowd of people entered the room, led by none other than Albus Dumbledore.

Dumbledore stepped forward towards Sirius and took his hand in both of his own. "Sirius." He smiled at the boy from above his half moon spectacles. "Welcome to the Order." The smile vanished. "I must tell you something."

At that moment, Freya cried out in pain, clutching her arm. "I have to go," she said hurriedly and disapparated on the spot.

Dumbledore led Sirius from the room and into another that appeared to be a kitchen, leaving the rest of the witches and wizards in the other room. "I have already informed James and Lily Potter about what I am about to tell you, and they have agreed to join, as have you to take all prevention's necessary against the Dark Lord. Remus, however, it being the full moon, cannot be recruited immediately. You, Sirius, on the other hand, are one of our last hopes."

"What about Peter?"

"Peter will… join us in due time, Sirius. A prophecy has been made about James and Lily's son."

"They have a son!"

"They haven't told you, I see."

"What the hell!"

"Sirius, Lily has been pregnant for five months. Her baby is due in late July. If he is indeed born _as the seventh month dies_, we must fear that the Dark Lord will try to kill the boy. We must make arrangements to put the Potters into hiding, Sirius, do you understand?"

Sirius nodded blankly.

"I can hide them. I will need the help of one who is mastering in Charms."

Professor Filius Flitwick walked in, shorter than the table, but smiling sheepishly nonetheless. "That's where I come in, Mr Black," he squeaked.


	7. a ladder, a horse and a storm

I DISCOVERED A FLAW! So this is just a fixed version of the chapter and it makes it a little bit worse, but at least it's canon. Just because I am WAY to lazy to try to fix it so it's only a little better and canon. so now it's a little bit worse and ... canon. yes, ahem.

So please forgive me, but with all these stupid AP classes and grrrr... _french_ i really have no time to make this any better, but now it makes sense. and please read the new chapter and review, cuz that makes me happy.

* * *

THANK YOU TO NBKWRITTER, A.K.A. PADFOOT, FELLOW MARAUDER AND CO-CREATOR OF THE MARAUDER'S MAP, FOR THE INSIGHT OF SIRIUS BLACK'S PSYCHE.

* * *

One year later.

Sirius sat alone at the table in the Order of the Phoenix Headquarters. He had made himself a cup of tea to have something to do, but he couldn't find any mugs, so he watched as he swirled the last drops of his drink, disturbing the settled dregs at the bottom of his glass.

There was a small _pop_ in the other room, and Freya soon walked into the kitchen as Sirius drained his tea, looking pale, tired and disheveled.

"Oh!" she said at seeing Sirius sitting at the table. "I was expecting you'd be home by now."

He shook his head. "I left Remus a note saying I'd be out. He'll be gone all night, anyway, so it doesn't really matter."

"Why?"

Sirius looked out the window towards the beaming full moon. James said he's stay with Remus this time. "He said he had something to do," lied Sirius. Snapping his head to look at Freya, who was standing uncomfortably in the doorway, he said, "There's still some tea, if you want any."

"That would be great, actually, thanks," she said, walking shyly over to a teapot still on the stove. She opened a cupboard and pulled out a thick, red mug, stared at it, set it back in the cupboard, then got out a thinner one decorated with strawberries.

Sirius frowned. He hadn't looked in that cupboard.

Freya walked over and sat down with her tea across the table from Sirius.

There was an awkward silence between the two before she inhaled rapidly and said, "Have you ever been cubed?"

Sirius looked up. "Cubed?"

"Yeah."

"As in… what?"

"Well, I can't tell you until you do it. You agree?"

"Uh… sure."

"OK, so, as I tell you what to imagine, tell me what you're seeing, OK?"

Sirius nodded.

"Now, I want you to close your eyes, and lose everything around you. Everything I say is just another image appearing in your head. You're not here. You are now in a desert."

His desert wasn't there when he closed his eyes. When he closed his eyes, all he saw was black. So he turned his attention to his tea leaves.

Looking into the dregs at the bottom of his glass, he saw a desert emerge. And he spoke.

"Well, there's this single palm tree in the middle of an island surrounded by a … small moat. The water looks kind of chaotic, and there's no way on. There's no way off. The … sand on the island is a somewhat iridescent clear, lit from inside… but with no actual … colour. The sand on the other side of the moat is … black. Just the blackest … black you can imagine. Almost … empty."

"Now, in your desert, there is a cube."

Sirius paused and jerked his head up to look at Freya, his trance broken.

"A _cube_?"

She nodded.

Resuming his calmness, Sirius looked back into his glass and told her what he saw. "OK, so, so the cube is made of fire, and there's not a flame or spark that escapes the cube … at all. But there's a small plume of smoke coming from the topmost corner, because it's balancing on the opposite corner on top of the palm tree. It's fairly big. About the size of … a large … cauldron. It's rotating slowly." He looked up at Freya. "_Counter_clockwise." He gazed back down.

In the background of his mind, as if her voice wasn't there, Freya said, "Now add a ladder."

"There's a ladder leaning on the side of the tree, and it just barely touches the cube."

"How many rungs?"

"There's only four." Sirius frowned all of a sudden as if he didn't like what he saw.

"What?" asked Freya.

"The – the top rung! It's disintegrating!" Freya looked at him questioningly. "There's like this … I can't … just this … _trickle_ of … of sand coming from the middle of the rung. It's brown. It's the same colour as the ladder, but … it's turning black and it's … it's staining my clear sand." He looked up at her sadly again. "It's like a blemish in … perfection."

"OK, Sirius, I want you to add a horse."

He tried closing his eyes, concentrating only on his desert. "It's, a flying horse. And it's going away from me. This … white, beautiful, prize horse with wings. It's circling above me like a … a vulture or … or an angel. But it keeps going up."

"Can you add a storm?"

"It's just a simple shower. The horse is ignoring it, though. In fact, it's almost … smiling, or … or laughing or something. But it's helping the ladder disintegrate. It's only over the island, though. It doesn't hit the moat or the black sand across it." He chuckled. "It's making the cube sizzle … but it's turning the sand black."

"Now, somewhere in the desert, there are flowers. Can you see flowers?"

Sirius laughed quietly to himself, as if trying to fight back tears. He whispered. "There are no flowers." Then he said something Freya would never forget for the rest of her life. "How could there be any flowers?" He lifted his heavy head to look into her green eyes. His own were red and swollen.

Freya put her hand on his cheek, looking at him and seeing him in a completely new light. There lips came closer together when she started to smell something.

"Do – _sniff _– do you _smell_ that?" she asked.

Sirius blinked.

They both got up, following their noses to the burning smell. It led them to the oven. Staring at each other, Freya pulled it open, and they both comically bent over to see what was burning inside. Using her wand, Freya levitated the charred object onto the counter.

It had been a woolen sock.

Sirius sighed, filled his glass with water, the remnants of his tea floating aimlessly as he dumped them on top of the glowing sock. He set his glass mindlessly on the edge of the counter, and as he turned around to leave the kitchen, it slipped and shattered.

He didn't notice it. Freya just watched him quietly close the door.

At that moment, Dumbledore silently became visible in a corner of the kitchen, sitting on one of the counters. He climbed down and stood next to Freya, who was still staring at the closed door.

"Professor?" she said.

"Yes, Freya?"

"You know how people say that no man's an island?"

"Well, I can believe that it's true, yes."

"His destruction has made himself one."


	8. doubts

OK, so I apologize for the very late update, but what with being out of town and having a severe case of writer's block, it's been a bit difficult. Sorry the chapter's so short, but I somehow sometime's find it easier to follow if a few chapters are short... so...

A thank you to my reviewers!!!

**Mystyrious**: I'm so glad that you reviewed my story, or I never would have read yours! It's so awsome, so please keep updating, and I'll do my best. I'm so happy you like this story. You really make me want to keep writing, and you have no idea how much that means to me. Thanx!

**padfoot**: Hee Hee, glad you liked the cubing. I tried to put in what it means, but I returned Moony the book, so oh well.

**alecatg**: Sorry if the story's a bit confusing... I try. LOL. Thanks for reviewing though!

**Lain-Iris**: If Freya's an OC, then it was _truly_ by mistake. Her name was taken from... I can't quite remember but I think from a myth... oh well. But if she was an OC, that would be creepy, cuz I knew nothing of it... LOL. Keep reviewing though!!!

**PentagonMerlin**: Thanks for the tip on the map, but I think you've got a different game, which you still have to help me with, btw. I'm glad the cubing wasnt too stupid the second time you heard it. Heh heh heh...

The headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix was definitely an interesting place to be. James and Lily had not shown up yet, and Sirius was getting anxious for Dumbledore to recruit Remus and Peter. After all, the full moon had come and gone, and whatever it was that was holding up Wormtail, Sirius never knew.

As if on cue, Freya walked into the room where Sirius sat with his thoughts.

"I see you've been very productive," she said sarcastically.

"Have fun in the adventuring world?" he said with a small smile.

"You really hate being locked up in here, don't you?"

"_No_, really?"

"Well, your friends, the Potters, are coming tonight, so maybe you won't be so bored."

"And Remus?"

"Yeah, Dumbledore's bringing him in a couple of hours."

"Can- can I- do anything to help you guys?"

"You will eventually, Sirius."

"Freya?"

"Yeah?"

"What did the cubing mean?"

She smiled. "The desert was how you see life."

Sirius chuckled. "That's depressing."

"Your cube was your symbolic self portrait, the ladder your friends, the horse—"

"Wait… the ladder was my _friends_?"

"Yes, why?"

"One of them was… one of them was disintegrating."

"I remember. Should I keep going?"

"Huh? Oh… yeah."

"The horse was your life partner, or lover—"

"Would it be safe to say that that's you?"

She paused, her mouth open as if she was going to say something. "What?"

Sirius starred at her, a small smile making its way onto his devilishly handsome face.

Freya started looking scared. "Sirius, what are you saying? We've been on one date."

"In that one day," he said, putting his hands on her cheeks, inching her face towards him. "Didn't you love a lifetime's worth?"

She closed her eyes. "Have you started working with Flitwick on your plan to save Mr and Mrs Potter?"

Slowly, very slowly, his hands fell from her face to his lap. He looked away. "Yes."

"What's wrong."

"Well, wouldn't it be obvious to Voldemort that _I_ would be their secret keeper? That _I_ would be the one hiding them?"

"You're scared of that?"

"I just- maybe it would be better to change it to someone that he wouldn't expect. Like, another member of the Order, or- or Peter." Sirius looked at Freya. "He wouldn't suspect Peter, would he?"

"No. No, I guess he wouldn't."


	9. the fidelius charm

* * *

Hey, sorry it's taken me so long to update... but I've been busy wooing ... this guy. Ahem, anyway! This chapter isn't one of my favs in particular, but it's pulling the story back on track, and showing it the way of the climax.

Replies to the reviews are at the bottom, and if you'd like one, ... _REVIEW!!!!!_ Anyway, hope you like this chapter.

Review. Ahem

* * *

When Sirius told Dumbledore and Flitwick that he wanted to change James and Lily's secret keeper to Peter Pettigrew, he could see that something was nagging at Dumbledore that it was a bad idea. Flitwick, on the other hand, clapped his hands together and said, "That's very well. He's supposed to be joining us from London in a couple of hours. It's the 20th, is it not, Professor?"

Dumbledore nodded, forcing a smile. "Sirius, if you really think it is the best thing to do, the Fidelius Charm will be performed by Peter, instead."

Sirius nodded, dead serious. "Thank you, Professor."

Dumbledore's smile vanished and he put his hands on Sirius's shoulders. "Mr Black, you must understand the importance of this situation." His voice was getting urgent. "The Potter boy is the world's only hope. We cannot let Voldemort find him."

The name hit Sirius like ice, as if all evil and hatred in the world had been summed up into one word, one name, one curse.

"Sirius, you must assure me that you are _certain_ … that this is the right thing to do."

"Professor, were I their secret keeper, they would know. The Death Eaters. They would know. I'm too obvious. They wouldn't suspect Peter."

Dumbledore nodded glumly. "Very well. We'll do it tonight." He turned to Flitwick. "Professor Flitwick, you must teach Peter how to do it. He cannot have any assistance. He must be the only one who knows how to get to them, or the charm will fail, do you understand?"

Flitwick consented.

"How much time do you think it will take for Peter to accomplish it?"

"Four or five days, a week at most," he squeaked. "Of course, he will be having to work on it most of the daylight."

Dumbledore smiled sadly with a twinkle in his blue eyes. "I'm sure he'll accept with barely a hesitation."

**

* * *

**

Peter surprised everyone by accomplishing the Fidelius Charm in only four days, the minimum time Flitwick said it would take, and James and Lily were safely hidden in Godric's Hollow, the only savants of their whereabouts being Peter and themselves. Sirius couldn't help but feel uncomfortable in leaving two of his better friends in someone else's trust.

All the mistakes of putting Peter in such a stressful and important position seemed to be rushing into his brain, like water in a sponge.

Peter was never the strong one, Sirius, he said to himself. _You and James. It was always you and James Even _Remus_ would have been better.._

But they would have suspected me or Remus, he thought back defiantly. They would capture us and torture us.

What if they do anyway? And you still have no idea?

They- they won't!

They'll turn to Peter, continued the voice, arrogance growing. _They'll turn to Peter and there will be no way for you _or_ Remus _or _James to stop him from saying anything._

Sirius's nights were spent laying awake in bed, going through this argument to himself repeatedly, trying to find a flaw in the little voice, but each night came and went with no sleep, and he couldn't find one. It was already the 30th of October, and Peter didn't seem to have slipped, though he looked ready to give in to pressure with the slightest flick of a wand, or whisper of an incantation.

Freya came up to Sirius one day, late and put her hands delicately on his shoulders.

He jumped and, seeing it was only Freya, relaxed a little.

She laughed, and already he could feel the muscles in his body loosen.

"You don't trust him, do you?"

He didn't ask how she knew what he had been thinking about the past three days. "I just don't think he can handle the pressure."

She then asked the question he had been trying to convince the voice the answer he had already convinced himself of. "Then why did you switch to him?"

He looked into her green eyes. She had gotten her glasses back, and they were resting on top of her head, pulling her bangs back, and allowing her full face to shine into Sirius's warm gray eyes.

"They won't suspect him."

"They stop worrying." She touched his cheek lightly and brushed his nose lovingly with her own. He closed his eyes and let his mouth fall into hers.

Realizing quickly what he was doing, he pulled back, trying to shake his mind from that.

Quick, he thought. _Divide 61465 by 33._

It didn't work. She grabbed his face and pulled herself to him, kissing him, embracing him in her warmth, enveloping him in the feelings she had felt since Paris.

Silently thanking the world that it was so late that all the members of the Order had gone to bed, he closed his eyes and thought, _James has Lily, why can't _I _fall in love?_

* * *

**alecatq: **Sorry it took so long. I love the "dum dum dum"s .... they make me feel ... _special_.

**Mistyrious:** Hey, to my fav author! I already sent you an e mail wishing you happy birthday, cuz that was ages ago, but _any_way! I'm glad I can make you feel a bit better about Sirius. Probably won't last too much longer though, hun, sorry. That's life... almost makes me want to cry, but I just watched Titanic, so I'm all out of tears. Anyway, hope you liked this chappie.

**_REVIEW! _**C'mon, it'll take you five seconds, and it boosts my self esteem like you _cannot_ imagine.


	10. unrecognizable

Hey. So, I found out that I made a mistake, and by adding three words to the beginning of ... chapter 7? i think, i fixed it. so now it's not brilliantly well written, but it's canon, and that's the more important thing. so, the continuation of my worse-but-canon story.

please review, because if you dont, i will send my pixie boys after you.

* * *

His eyes were red. 

His hands were white.

The once handsome Sirius Black was unrecognizable.

His normally soft black hair that fell before his eyes was rough and ragged. Fear shone in his eyes, a fear he had not known he possessed until that fateful night.

October 31st, 1981.

Hallowe'en, a few months after the birth of Harry Potter, James and Lily's son.

Sirius had been made godfather, but that didn't seem to mean much to Dumbledore. And Sirius wasn't thinking about that. The whole night kept playing over and over again in his head.

* * *

The house lay in front of Sirius, his motorcycle lying in a heap beside him. He had been there three hours before. Just three small hours. He had to leave. Dumbledore had called him. He finally had a job for him. He had only had a few big assignments to accompany his larger tasks, but this one was an _important _job. Fighting. _Fighting_ the _Deatheaters_. Getting information. Sirius couldn't have missed it, but had he known this would happen … 

With each step, ashes rose from the wreckage, like small black clouds of death. His voice wavered, uncertain. "James?" he called, almost at a whisper, almost scared that his voice would disturb the graves. "Lily?" And in an even smaller voice, he asked the air, "Harry?"

There was a small whimper. A young, innocent cry. His heart leapt.

"Harry?" he asked again, with more confidence in his voice. "Harry!"

He ran through the rubble, throwing long pieces of wood and plaster aside, searching frantically for the small Harry Potter. "Harry!" he continued to shout, following the cries that were growing more and more frequent. "Harry!" Then, finally, he saw the small gray bundle. He slowly knelt down to pick it up. The poor, helpless Harry.

Sirius felt his warmth and his weight and it comforted him. Slowly and delicately pulling away a corner of the blanket, he looked into Harry's eyes.

He felt a burning sensation in his throat and his gray eyes filled involuntarily with tears. Lily's eyes. Lily's brilliant green eyes starring back up at him, alone and scared and cold. Harry's hair was black and unruly, so very much like James's had been.

"James," he cried. "Lily." He brushed away Harry's bangs with trembling hands and saw with horror a small, thin lightning bolt scar on his forehead. "What the hell happened to you, mate?" he said, his upper lip shaking. "Merlin's beard …" He slowly traced the scar with his finger, tears streaming down his face, hitting the gray blanket. Small spots of white appeared where the tears hit Harry's bundled figure.

Like a broken man, Sirius cried, and wept and rocked with Harry in his arms when he heard her. Far away, like a fading red balloon, he heard her breathing. A few walls collapsed at the far end of the house and Sirius, Harry still clutched firmly in his arms, ran towards the direction of the sound.

"Hello?"

"Sirius?"

"Freya?"

When he reached her, he was not surprised at all that he had missed her. Her black Auror robes were covered in soot and she lay perfectly still, blending in perfectly.

Sirius couldn't breath. Why had he given his heart to this woman? Why was she here?

"I'm so sorry, Sirius. I did everything I could."

"What are you talking about?" he said, his eyes screwed up from the tears, caressing her face with his free hand. Harry had fallen asleep. Slowly, gently, he set the baby boy on the ground above Freya's head.

"I was sent here at the last minute," she said in a voice barely audible. One of the lenses of her glasses were missing and her hair was distraught, going in all directions, and plastered with sweat onto her forehead. She had a large gash in her chest from some unknown quarrel and blood was freely spilling from it. Sirius promised himself he would never try to find out what happened. "Dumbledore, Peter—"

"Don't say anything," he said, finding speaking much more difficult than he had ever thought.

"But Sirius, this is important," she protested.

"I don't care. Don't say anything. You can tell me later."

"What if—"

"There's no what if … Freya! You'll tell me later."

She looked helplessly at him. He was still crying, and his breaths came in short and painful gasps.

"Your eyes are … really green … right now," he said finally.

Freya smiled. "I feel particularly alive at this moment in my life." She shifted uneasily in his arms, the blood still spilling from her open chest. "I'm a bit cold," she said.

Sirius fumbled for his cloak, covered in his best friends blood, in the blood of the woman he loved, the blood of his only family. He covered her in it, and lifted her head a bit more onto his knees, the colour draining from her face.

"I should never … have—"

"Don't you dare do that!" she coughed at a half scream. "Don't blame yourself for this. I swear, you do that again and I'll…"

She struggled for words, helplessly. Sirius put his finger on her dying lips and watched as her rosy hue evaporated from her cheeks, her life evanescing like the light from the day as it turned into night. Tears were streaming freely down his face. He couldn't breath.

"I … love you. You… know that … right?"

She nodded meekly.

"I'd … never … leave your … side, if I … could."

"You need to do something for me."

"… Anything."

"Do you promise?"

"I swear on … pain of … death," he said, gasping for air, but his body wouldn't let him breath, as if saying that he shouldn't be alive.

She put her hand on his face and looked at him. "I need you to run for me."

Sirius stared blankly at her for a moment, as if not believing what she was saying.

"I … can't – _run?_" he muttered breathlessly. "Why?" What did she know? What had happened at Godric's Hollow? No! he thought. Never. I won't revisit this place.

"Run away, Sirius." Her hand fell and landed on her chest. She closed her eyes, breathed deeply, and whispered, "Please."

Those were the last words she ever spoke.

She had saved her last breath to tell the man that she loved to run, something he had avoided doing his whole life. He had never run, never, when he was ever in danger. He stuck by his friend's side, he licked it. He could take the whole world, but the word of his dying love was more powerful than any morals he could have had for himself.

He clutched her dangling body in his blood stained arms, her hands blue and her face white. He didn't look at her. He didn't want to remember her like this. The image he wanted to save of her was when she was so full of life, so happy and blissful, the only worry in the world being if she would get in trouble for sneaking into a double feature at a Muggle movie theatre.

But when Sirius walked into her life with Remus, James, Lily and Peter, everything turned around. The Dark Lord had risen and he was after the world, and Sirius had to fight it.

* * *

ok, so the whole thing came rather quickly, but i really needed to get it over with. course, it's not done, cuz i mean... how can that be the end? 

to my reviewers (pitiful number of them, but you can fix that, can't you? yes, i think you can.):

**Mistyrious**: Trust me, dahling, i dont care how late you review as long as you do (that rhymes!) your reviews always make me happy! I'm glad you liked the last line. I was kinda unproud of it, but hey.... im only a writer.

**blonded**: HOW DID YOU KNOW? you're totally not supposed to know that Peter is a mole... darn it. sniff now the whole story is _ruined! _And im glad you like freya. i was scared she was too... perfect....

**serenitystone**: actually, i got the cubing thing from a book. i didnt bother putting all the meticulous details in, cuz that would take too long, but its all veyr carefully been studied by myself, aka Prongs, and Padfoot. you can thank her for the ideas. but you should try the simplified version of cubing on your friends. dont tell them what it is though, cuz that ruins it. its so much fun. its from the book _the cube_ though i know no more info on it.

**PentagonMerlin**: I told you, didnt I? What happens to her? oh well. glad you liked it moony. keep updating. Moony makes me happy.... see? look, happy! actually, i really am. im going to a movie WITH EVANS ON FRIDAY!!!

reveiw.

seriously.


	11. memorial

Let us not forget those who died

at Godric's Hollow on October 31st, 1981.

It's been 23 long years,

But their memories shall not die,

and their sacrifices were not made in vain.

We will remember you.

To James and Lily.

-Eratosthenese - a weeping soul.


	12. four graves

so ive been rereading this story and IT IS NOT CANON! i apologize, but it IS **_NOT_** CANON! im too lazy to go back and fix it, but lets just pretend like it's always been an AU fic (i just figureed out what AU meant, isnt that exciting?!) so, i apologize for the late update. and once again:

**_THIS STORY IS NOT CANON!_** and im sorry about that.

* * *

He had to find Lily and James.

Their bodies.

He didn't care, he had to find them. He scooped up baby Harry and left the body of Freya behind him. The only sign that he knew she was there, lying dead at his feet, was his red, tear-stained eyes and the blood on his body.

Her blood.

He then did something that surprised him. He began speaking to Harry. He jumped slightly at the sound of his own voice, once so full of life, now morose and empty.

"We'll find them, Harry. Don't worry." He took a deep breath with every shard of wood that he overturned with his feet. Part of him hoped that he would find his two best friends, but most of him feared that discovering their bodies amidst the destroyed wreckage of their house would simply finalize their deaths.

"I'll take good care of you, Harry." Sirius Black looked down at his godson.

There was James again.

There was Lily.

"You would have loved 'em, kid." He tried holding back the tears by kissing Harry on the forehead, directly on top of his scar. His head was warm, as if it was still hot with the curse that had been sent upon him. "Happy Hallowe'en, Mr Potter."

* * *

It was only a little past midnight when Sirius and Harry found the Potters. Their bodies were far apart from each other. Not how they would have wanted it to be.

Lily was near where Sirius had found Harry, her body face down, her long, thick red hair draped over her, covered her head and making it look much like a halo of blood. Her arms were out before her, almost as if she was reaching for something.

Harry, no doubt.

James was closer to the front door. Sirius must have walked right by him when he entered the wreckage. His glasses were broken, and his eyes were still wide open and angry.

He had seen Voldemort.

He had seen the Dark Lord right before It killed him.

Sirius felt like his entire life was lying at his feet, dead. What would Remus and Peter think? He had let them die? Surely they wouldn't blame him.

They couldn't …

Voldemort's diablerie was far beyond anything Sirius could have imagined.

Remus and Peter.

He, Remus and Peter were what was left.

Moony, Wormtail and Padfoot. No longer would there be a Prongs to gallop in the forest at night. He would simply be gone, absent from their lives.

Sirius clutched Harry closer to him and the silence deafened him until it was ungraciously broken by a loud clamour of something very heavy. Turning around, he jumped to greet Hagrid right as his abnormally large foot was about to step on him.

"Hagrid!" he said. "What – what are you doing here?"

"Could say the same, meself, Sirius," said Hagrid, smiling down at him, clutching the baby Harry. "Dumbledore tol' me wha' happened…" He took a deep, gruff breath and sniffed. "Don' know how he knew, but there yeh have it. Dumbledore jus' knows these things." Sirius could tell that small tears were making there way down from his beetle black eyes into his beard. "I's terrible, Sirius, I tell yeh tha', but…"

"I could have stopped him. If I were here, I could have stopped him, Hagrid!"

Hagrid looked sternly at Sirius and kneeled down until he was level with him. "Now, don' go sayin' that, Sirius. There woulda been nothin' yeh coulda done. He's powerful. He's got lo's o' strength an' lots o' followers, an' if yeh'd have been here, he'd have killed yeh too."

That was when it hit Sirius.

Voldemort would never have been able to find Godric's Hollow and the Potters, it was protected by their Secret Keeper. He could only have found them if the Keeper had told him …

… _Peter_.

"No…" whispered Sirius. "It – it _can't _be…"

Hagrid looked at Sirius, funny. "Yeah it is," he said, unsure of what Sirius was talking about. "There isn' nothin' tha' can protect yeh from the killin' curse." He looked down at Harry, unaware that Sirius was no longer listening. "Don' know wha' saved this one from it. I's a miracle, really." Hagrid smiled and looked down at his watch. "Woah, bes' be goin'. You wanna give me the baby, Sirius?"

"What?" Sirius was snapped from his trance and clutched Harry closer to him. "No! Of course not. I'm his godfather."

"I know that Sirius, and so does Dumbledore, I'll reckon, but he asked for the baby."

"Dumbledore can lick my bloody boots, Hagrid! I'm _not_ giving you this baby!"

Hagrid drew himself up to his full height, as did Sirius. But Hagrid was at least twice as tall, so it was a much more majestic and threatening move when he did as to when Sirius did.

"I go' orders, Sirius. I know i's hard for yeh an' all, but you gotta understand."

"Understand? _Understand?_ All I _need_ to bloody _understand_, Hagrid, is the fact that my best friend just _died_! The love of my life just _died,_ Hagrid, and you want me to hand over the last … the last … all that I have left of him?"

"He's not James, Sirius."

The words hit Sirius like cold water on a warm day, but instead of his skin being comfortably prickled by the heat of the sun, evaporating the water, he felt more and more of the icy burn as reality sunk in with Hagrid's words.

No.

Harry wasn't James.

No one would ever be James.

Because now he was gone.

And all that was left to prove that he had once existed was this little baby in his arms.

How could Hagrid possibly expect him to give Harry away?

Quietly, looking at Harry's lightning bolt scar, Sirius said, "He's my godson, Hagrid. I can't let you take him."

Gruffly, Hagrid straightened his belt. "Yeh got teh, Sirius. Dumbledore's orders, I tell yeh. He'll 'ave a good reason for it, too, I reckon. Don' worry."

"I love this kid, Hagrid."

"I know yeh do, Sirius. I know yeh do."

Hagrid looked at his miniature pocket watch and, startled at how late he already was, leaned down and gently took Harry from Sirius's hunched form.

"I'm sorry, mate," he said.

Sirius didn't say anything, his long dark hair covering his eyes, and the emotion hidden deep within them, letting the child be pried from his dead hands.

Hagrid turned around, ready to leave by means of transport that Sirius didn't know. He slowly looked up, his eyes red and puffy, and whispered hoarsely, after Hagrid's figure, "Take my motorcycle."

Hagrid stopped and turned around.

"Wha'?"

"My motorcycle." Sirius motioned towards his bike collapsed at the entrance of Godric's Hollow. "Take it. Don't know how else you'll get to Dumbledore fast enough."

"Sirius, yeh love tha' thing. I can't take it…"

"You can and you will, Hagrid." He looked down at his hands. "I've got no more use for it."

"What are yeh talkin' abou'?"

"Seriously, Hagrid. What else have I got to do with that? Just- just _take_ it."

Sirius didn't care anymore. He had four graves to dig. After all, it was getting late, and one of the graves wouldn't have an occupant unless he got moving.

* * *

read and review. cuz it takes very little time, and if you dont, i will send all the souls that i own, and use their powers to fire up my pixie boy who _will_ terminate you. only not like arnie cuz he supports bush (sorry to bush supporters, but i couldnt disagree with you more!!!!!)


	13. madness

It was easy to find Peter.

He wasn't particularly good at finding hiding places. Sirius was painfully reminded of countless of times at Hogwarts when Peter had gotten caught for something he, James and Remus had done because he couldn't get himself out of view fast enough, even with James's invisibility cloak.

* * *

_"Quick! She's coming!"_

_The Marauders hurriedly forced themselves into James's invisibility cloak. His father had just sent it to him over the holidays and they had been using it to their advantage._

_The silence enveloped them as Professor McGonagall strode past them with her chin in the air, and looking warily about her as James, Sirius and Remus noticed that Peter was missing._

_"Where's Peter?" asked Remus._

_Right on cue, McGonagall's voice boomed over to where they stood, huddled under the cloak._

_"Mr Pettigrew!" _

_"I think McGonagall found him," whispered James, frozen to the spot._

_"Yup," gulped Sirius._

_"What exactly do you think you are doing out of bed at this hour!" _

_Peter's voice was so small, the Marauders could hardly hear it when he replied._

_"Um, going to the bathroom?"_

_"Do you not have a bathroom in your dormitory?"_

_"Sirius clogged it."_

_Sirius frowned under the cloak and James and Remus stifled laughs and shouts of appreciation and surprise that Peter could lie so strait forwardly to a teacher with no hesitation. _

_"And the other toilets? Do they not work for you, Mr Pettigrew?"_

_"It smelled terrible, Professor. I wouldn't have been able to use them!"_

_

* * *

_

Sirius was screaming, tears still falling down his face. "Wormtail! WORMTAIL!"

Peter was squeaking, running as fast as his little legs would carry him, weaving in and out of the Muggles crowding the street with the agility of a rat, Sirius close on his heels.

"Why are you _running, _Wormtail, if you've nothing to hide?" Sirius had his wand out, pointing in Peter's direction as he became cornered between Sirius and the Muggles, who had formed a barrier to watch the two lunatics who were screaming madly.

"You- you killed them, Sirius…" whispered Peter.

"What?" screamed Sirius. "HOW DARE YOU! HE WAS MY BROTHER! YOU KILLED MY BROTHER, YOU TRAITOR!" All friendliness gone from his face, Sirius resembled the madness which his mother so often exhibited within her eyes. Anger was gleaming in his eyes now, hate, frenzy a dangerous glint in his shining eyes.

"How c- could y- you?" Peter continued stuttering, backing up against the wall of Muggles, standing over a sewer drain. He was wildly fumbling for something in his robes, but Sirius didn't care.

Raising his wand, Sirius aimed for Peter's heart, but the rat was faster.

He had rehearsed this with his master.

Peter Pettigrew was ready.

A loud_ bang_ and an enormous cloud of smoke issued around Peter and it wasn't until Sirius had regained from a coughing fit that he noticed an empty crevasse in the middle of the road. Thirteen Muggle bodies lay sprawled around it in heaps, dead.

Sirius began laughing, the maniacal glint which he had inherited from his mother, appearing as he cackled madly. He pointed at the hole in the road, where water was accumulating, filled with compost. Rats were scurrying about in it. Sirius continued laughing in disbelief.

"You learned so much from us, Wormtail!" he screamed at the rats, still laughing like a mad man. "JAMES WOULD BE PROUD!"

Ministry officials were pouring from the sky, and two already had a hold of Sirius and were pulling him away, while ten or so were pushing the live Muggles away from the explosion, their minds working tirelessly on stories as to how to cover this up to the Muggle public.

A job worthy of the Department of Mysteries.

An Unspeakable would be called in for this.

A few more wizard and witch officials were clearing up the mess in the road, some of them repairing the road, some collecting fragments, be they human or pavement…

Sirius continued laughing all the way to Azkaban. "WORMTAIL!" he was screaming. "JAMES WOULD BE PROUD! WORMTAIL!"

* * *

Sorry it's so short. And I hope you all remember that this story is not canon cuz i made some mistakes and I don't feel like going back to fix them. There will probably be only one or two more chapters left in this story, just letting you know ahead of time. Also, thanx to the few reviewers (all .00005765 of you) and if you read this story and dont review, I will send my canadian pixie boy after you, so there! 


	14. miss doing the crossword

dedicated to **Padfoot**. You know who you are, hun. Get well soon!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first thing Sirius Black noticed about his cell in Azkaban when he regained consciousness was the cold.

The second thing he noticed was the utter emptiness he felt within him.

James was gone. His best friend, his brother, he was gone.

Sirius didn't know how long he had sat in the cold, empty cell before voices sounded and the Minister for Magic appeared along with a few other cronies, looking through the small, barred window at Sirius as if he were a dog.

"Mr Black," said the Minister, curtly.

"Bastard," addressed Sirius with the same polite courtesy as the Minister.

He swallowed, but showed no other signs of having heard what Sirius called him. "We have discussed your case and we have come to—"

"You've discussed my case?" said Sirius, getting up weakly. He made his slow, unsteady way to the door to look straight into the eyes of the Minister for Magic who was condemning him to this place. "Without _me_? The defendant?"

"The evidence has been presented to us by Mr Crouch and we have come to the conclusion that you are guilty and a proper trial will not need to be held."

"WHAT?" Sirius threw himself at the doors, gripping the iron bars of his cage and spitting at the man as he spoke. "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Oh, you'll find that we can, Mr Black. I assure you," he said, leaning in close to Sirius, his breath rising in steam and spreading across Sirius's face as he spoke. "Your master is dead. Your bloody _Dark Lord _was vanquished."

"What?" said Sirius, breathlessly. "He's gone?"

The Minister obviously took Sirius's speechlessness wrongly and began to laugh. "He is gone, thanks to little Harry Potter, and no matter what you try to do, he will always be gone, and you will always be rotting in the pits of hell."

"I'll save you a seat when I get there, then," said Sirius.

The Minister sneered and made to leave, but Sirius threw his arm out of the cell through the window and grabbed a hold of his arm. At the same time, a Dementor grasped his, its cold touch, freezing Sirius's blood, willing him to let go, but Sirius kept his grip on the Minister – not even daring to wince – and said, through gritted teeth, "What are you going to do?" The Minister raised an eyebrow in curiosity. What could this madman have to say? "What? Are you gonna make mugs and shirts that say in big black letters. 'I was at Godric's Hollow the day he murdered the Potters'? Look, this may be a joke to you, the day that we won, a bloody victory. But it's not that wonderful from everyone else's point of view, OK? People _died_ here."

The Minister ripped his arm from Sirius's hand and said, spitting venom with each word, "Only those who deserve to die have met with Death himself."

Sirius smirked, reviving the bit of James that lived on in him. "That can't be true. You're still here, aren't you?"

The Minister's jowls quivered dangerously as he held himself back from making any rude comments. He simply said, "You were his friend. You were his bloody best man."

Sirius frowned. "What?"

But the Minister had already spun on his heel and stormed away from Sirius, his goons following him like stupid runts.

Sirius's arm still hung limp from the window, the tips of his fingers starting to feel heavy with blood and the cold. He cursed and pulled himself back into his cell.

"They think I killed him—" he mumbled. "Merlin help me, they think I killed my own brother…"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the first time Sirius heard any movement but the shrieks of madness from other cells nearby and the ruffles of the cloaks of the Dementors since the Minister had imprisoned him there long ago. He peered out of his cell and saw struggling figures being led to their own hell-holes by them, the Dementors, heartless.

Looking more carefully, Sirius noticed that only two of the figures being dragged to their dooms were trying to break free. The third walked with an eerie compliance. Following the Dementors like an obedient house elf. They were coming closer and closer to Sirius's cell, and as he focused on the black-hooded creatures coming towards him, he noticed a strange familiarity in the stubbornness of one of their jaws. Their chin lifted ever so slightly, giving Sirius the impression that they could see right into his eyes, though their own were still shrouded by their hood.

Their firm mouth twisted into a smile.

"Sirius Black," said the motionless figure in a woman's voice.

"Bellatrix?"

"We always thought you'd be too _Gryffindor_ to join us, but I always had faith in you, no matter what Regulus said."

"How dare you speak to me?"

"How dare _I_ speak to _you_?" she said in mock disbelief as the Dementors continued dragging her away along with her two accomplices. "_You_ are the blood traitor, if I am not mistaken."

"And never have I ever been so proud to be."

Bellatrix laughed a cold, pitiless laugh. She was going farther away from him, but she continued to shout over her shoulder in his direction, though he tried to faze out his cousin's voice. "You remember Frank!" She continued laughing madly. "Frank Longbottom! I put him and his wife in St Mungo's!" Her shrill shrieks of laughter pounded in Sirius's brain. He closed his eyes and willed it all to be a dream, but he still felt the pain of the world. "THEY'RE INSANE! THEY'RE MAD BECAUSE OF ME!"

Her laughs would haunt his dreams for the next three years.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sirius had no idea how many years had passed, how many months, days, hours. He had tried keeping count in the beginning to try to keep his mind busy, but he was soon so confused by the never-ending darkness surrounding Azkaban that he no longer knew whether he had counted the day on the wall in the white chalk, or not.

He had given up long ago.

His life had become a dream. Endless memories of smiling faces, laughing for trivial matters which he no longer remembered, nor did he care.

One thing had always been drilling into his mind since he was condemned to this prison.

James Potter was dead.

"I didn't kill him," he croaked, his voice dry and unused. "I didn't kill him."

Sirius continued muttering to himself, rubbing his eyes and rolling his head, his body twitching, and didn't notice when the Minister for Magic came to visit him once again.

This time, Cornelius Fudge did not have a large posse accompanying him. Only a few men for safety reassurance. He peered into Sirius Black's cell, remembering the day he had had him thrown in here twelve years ago.

"It's been a while, Black."

Sirius did not look up. This man did not deserve the right to look into his eyes. He only turned his head slightly to look at Fudge's plump body, his hands nervously trembling, clutching the Daily Prophet.

"Nice weather we've been having," said Sirius, his voice lost of all youth and innocence.

"Um, yes it is, isn't it."

"Wish I could feel it. It's always cold here."

Sirius could tell he was confusing the Minister. Never had he been encountered with such "madness" before. As if reading his mind, Sirius said, "Madness is a sign of brilliance, Minister."

That was when Sirius Black looked up into Fudge's eyes. His hollow, empty, black eyes drilling into this stupid man before him.

"Have you finished with the paper?" asked Sirius, never looking away from Fudge.

"What? Oh! This- uh, yes."

"Can I have it?"

The Minister hesitated.

"I miss doing the crossword."

"Um, yes, I suppose." Fudge cautiously slipped the paper through the bars into Sirius's cell and he slowly reached out a rotting hand to grasp the parchment. On the front page was a smiling family of red-heads. He was painfully reminded of Lily when his attention turned abruptly to a rat sitting on a boy's shoulder.

Looking more closely still at the rodent, Sirius noticed a missing finger.

Afinger that had been found twelve years prior on a Muggle street the day Sirius had been arrested.

"He's at Hogwarts…"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FIN

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, I hope you guys liked it. I personally,didn't. But that's just me. In general, 'artists' don't usually like their own work, but I really think i could have done better on this. a shame im not less lazy, really, but you can always help boost my self esteem by reviewing. yay!


End file.
